"FAKE OR TRUE FRIENDS?"

What does it mean to be a "true" friend?
I would glady trade 10 acquaintances that "say" they are friends
for if only "ONE" good friend that I can count on whenever I'm in need.
Someone that will be completely honest no matter what!
I person that is not going to lie, cheat, backstab, and connive.
Does this sound familiar?
This is the majority of the population.
They will do whatever if takes to make themselves feel accepted.
My only question is: Why?
If I person can not accept, love, and appreciate "YOU" for who you are,
then do they really deserve your friendship?
Friendships are intimate.
If they are "real", then it should stand the tests of time.
I want someone by my side and helping me win this battle
and in the end saying, "We fought a good fight"!
I "try" to be the best Christian that I know how to be.
It is so hard when others around you only bring you down in a hole
and then kick dirt over the top of it.
Who says anyone is better than who?
Remember, "WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE"?
We all have a purpose.
We might not know what,
but nonetheless, we all do!
And guess what, friends should be a part of that.
We all have souls that need to be nurtured.
How can we do this if we are always making ourselves seem surperior to those around us.
Who hears their cries?
Who hears their voices?
Stand Up..Be the Christian/Person you "PROCLAIM" to be!
I am searching for what is right in life.
I have made mistakes.
I admit to mine.
I am going through trials and errors.
I am like Joseph in Genesis Chapter 40.
There is always a Genesis Chapter 41.
I am forever searching and waiting.
"True" friends are hard to find.
If you find one,
hold on with all you have.
These only come around once in a lifetime!
I hope everyone has a Happy New Year!
Here is to my new life that is to start 2007!
A new person that will only try to prove herself to the one and only God.
My Lord and Savior Forever.Amen.

"I AM JUST ME, NOTHING MORE & NOTHING LESS"!

I am tired of everyone telling me who to be and who not to be.
I am just me.
I am nothing more and nothing less.
I am here for people when they need me the most.
I try to take on the worlds problems.
Like one of my once best friends said, "I am the psychiastrist that doesn't get paid.
I am always here when someone needs a shoulder to cry on.
The only problem is that when I am in need,
I look around and no one is really hear for me, except family and God.
Everyone else is busy with their own lives.
They are forever trying to find a medium of their own happiness.
Trying to make a name for themselves.
And for what?
For the world to only screw you over in the end?
I wonder if anyone can connect and know how I feel?
I sit here in the dark.
It is just me and this blank screen.
I ask myself what is my life all about?
I have nothing to show for anything, except more grief and strife.
I am down a path that has come to a dead end.
I stand here empty handed.
Where did I do wrong?
Could it possible be any worse than this?
Even my friends has given up on me.
When did I stop "truly" believing?
I'm stuck in the middle,
Half way between Heaven and Hell.
Well, for now it seems like Hell on earth.
I have lost my drive, my desire.
I tangled myself in my own web.
I tried to hard to prove myself.
I have failed.
I look around for someone to blame.
The finger points staight to me.
No one understands how I am.
If they did, they would try to lend a hand.
I want to succedd.
Why is it so hard?
God, reach down.
I need your touch.
I need your love,
your grace,
your mercy,
your guidance.
Why can't I seem to find peace.
The love within that tames all.
The choices I have made are coming back to haunt me.
They surround me day and night.
I am now feeling the reprecussions and after math of my mistakes.
How could I have let this happen?
Why did I make the wrong choices?
How do I begin to change them?
Am I to far gone?
I know I have what it takes.
God lives within me.
I just wish I had the strength to show it!

"My Mother & Father--Melissa & Jody"

Such powerful words.
"I can't live with them, and I can't live without them".
They have been here for me always holding me up.
Even when I would give up hope, yell, and give them hell.
They put up with my mess and helped guide me along.
This is when you know that you have a family that cares.
How could I have been so blind?
The Bible does say that friends and family-
will turn on each other at the end of time.
Lord, give us the strength to understand each other
and find a common ground.
All my life I never understood their ways,
but they had respectable intentions.
I would often find myself thinking,
What in Heaven's name were/are they thinking?
In the end, I always seen the results.
They were protecting us (their family) at all costs.
This is the kind of love that it takes to stand your ground,
even when others don't understand your ways and doubt.
"Through thick and thin, that's what it's about".
Thanks mom and dad for your support and love.
Family is a gift that should be cherished and not taken for granted.
We should make ever single breath count
because we are not promised tomorrow on this earth.
So, take your first born by the hand,
Tuck me under your wings,
and together we'll all ascend,
Farther, Above, and Beyond!

"CHRISTIAN,FOREVER STORED IN MY HEART"

The word Christian in itself has a powerful meaning: to be "Christ like".

It's proclaiming to be a follower of our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ.

We are forever praying and believing.

God seen fit to send me an angel in disguise

to help guide and keep me on the same path.

Someone to take my hand and "temporarily" lead.

Everytime her name rings in my head ("Christian"),

I directly think of special and I can't wait to see her again.

I could not ask for anything more.

She is deep, thoughtful, and spiritually hard core.

I turn to her when my spirit needs a lift.

She is Heavenly sent, a mere gift.

She makes this world more bearable (a better place),

so full of love and grace,

and not an ounce of haste.

Always proving to be kind,

Focused,

Keeping the prize on her mind!

She can be:

Accepting, Truthful, Humorous, and Even Blonde.

Loveable, Adorable, Intelligent, Friendly, and One Of A Kind.

Understanding, Gentle, Charming, Sensitive, and Confiding Too!

Charming, Loyal, Entending help when I'm weak and in need,

and also FORGIVING.

Now do you see?

I am Blessed.

So, I tell her this:

"You've been there when I needed You,

I'll "try" to always be here--- always for You"!

I Love You no matter what,

even your flaws are a part of you.

I completely appreciate who you are,

and no matter how far,

You're forever stored in my heart!

"The Second Lease On Life"

I replay the events of that day of my wreck on December 11, 2oo6.
I was on my way back from English final.
I was singing Christmas carols.
I set my speed control on 60 mph.
My truck started acting up.
The tires went over the white line.
I jerked to the left, then back to the right.
It was to late!
The truck was now air born.
I thought of each roll as if it were my last.
The first roll I felt the glass shatter.
The second roll I felt the side of my head hit the asphalt.
I was conscious and I knew what was going on around me.
I remember the small minuet details.
The crowd of people stopping and surrounding me.
The people picking my items off the road that had been slung out of the truck.
The woman that compacted my ear together as blood flowed down my face and neck.
I remember looking at my reflection in the rear view mirror.
The blood was tricking down my forehead.
The woman's voice calling my mother.
She says her arm is broken.
She can't breath.
My lungs were tightening up.
I thought my next breath could be my last.
Tell my mom I love her and my dad, my baby sister, and my brothers.
I thought please God let me live to see them again.
My parents said they drove 90 miles an hour with the hazards light all the way to Jacksonville Hospital.
No law enforcement dared pulled them over.
God clearing a safe passage for them to drive.
My dad said he would not have stopped either, until he made it there.
They were coming to see their first born baby laying in a bed with IV needles running through her arm.
The doctor coming in to stitch my ear back together.
My parents would have died on the inside if they had to bury me on my 20th birthday December 15.
A tragedy that would leave them void of the memory of me.
So, I thank the good Lord that I live.
I have another day with them.
In the Ambulance, I sang old Southern Gospel hymns to God.
The one I remember in particular: "Oh, How I Love Jesus!"
I now have a Second Lease On Life.
The one name that rings in my ear..Clint Dover
He slides through the gap on the passenger side.
He hooks an oxygen tank to my face.
He wraps the brace around my neck.
I look in his eyes and say..
"Do you believe in God?"
He says:
"Sweetheart,Can U Look Up?"
I saw the ceiling caved in around me.
I was lucky to be alive.
God had seen fit to spare my life.
I do not know why.
I may never know.
There is a reason.
There is a purpose.
Do I really deserve what I have in my life now?
The answer is no.
God doesn't owe us anything!
He just chooses to give us the gift of life!

"The One For Me"

I sit here contemplating.
There is nothing better to do.
I just read my friend Bryan Price's blog.
My mind now spiraling in and out of consciousness of past and present events.
It is forever wondering in a free domain.
It is lost and fragmented in a million pieces floating around space.
Each tiny particle has a story to tell of who I am.
If someone would just reach out and bring me under the shelter of their wings.
Someone hear my voice.
Please, tend unto my cry.
Show me what it is like to love.
Let me fully trust you.
Let me fall into you, knowing you will break my fall.
If I fall, pick me up.
If I am lost, find me.
If I am hurt, console me.
If I am happy, laugh with me.
If I am sad, cry with me.
If I am mad, yell with me.
If I want to walk a mile, walk two with me.
If I want to dream a little, be there beside me.
If I am sick, take care of me.
If I am lonely, hold me.
If I am doubtful, help me believe.
If I am dishonest, confront me.
If I make a mistake, point it out to me.
If I put up a fight, stand your ground.
If I am human, Just love,accept,and forgive me=like Jesus does.
If I give you all of me, give me all of you.
Is this to much to ask?
If it is, then your not the one for me...

"Last Brief Moments"

I lay here God in so much pain..this blood flowing down my neck..the crimson blood stains..I am lucky to be alive..I am here today and gone tomorrow..and it shows what I have been missing and took all in vain..I am sorry mom and dad for I totally missed the point of this life..it is not a game! I long for my family's love, their warm embraces, and concerned faces.. The Godly love that knows my name..my spirit embedded in their hearts forever..My Sister so preciously wrapping her arms around me saying "are you otay Bitney", her angelic voice that in my mind sang..My little brother looking at me with his warm chocolate eyes (a replica of my mothers) and lifting his hands to me..while he cried..One last laugh with my little brother while we reflected on past memories together like "old times".. My mother and father sitting there waiting for what the doctor would say, praying I would make it through okay.. Now I have them to depend for my every need, for now they will have to provide..I am sorry..I never meant for this to happen..My arm is broken and my ear has about 5 stitches, and my face now swollen beyond recognition..It's now beginning to seep in I know God is holding my hand. The doctors have given me so many medications.. But I still sit here writing and pouring my heart on paper.. My mind just won't seem to settle..This is my turning and breaking point to rid my life of all the ungodly and worldly ties holding me down and clouding my mind..I totaled the truck..I was running 60 miles an hour..I flipped several times(approximately) 410 feet..The first roll busted the glass out of the window..the second roll my head meet the road..I will never forget the flood of people surrounding me..The young lady on her way to her finals..compacting my ear together with flood running free and didn't know me personally..but only a sister in Christ..She even called my parents and I don't even know her name..Her sweet voice and face embedded in my mind..All of the others outreaching to someone in need..The man who's eyes pierced my soul..I asked do you believe in God and he said "Sweetheart, Can You Look Up?" All I could see was the ceiling caved in around me..God has a purpose for my life..I will if given a second opportunity..will "try" to practice what I preach.. I will ever be thankful for everyone, the Lord's guiding angels..I will lift my voice and life to you God..It is in your hands..Let your will be done..And let my purpose be known..My Lord and My Savior forever..AMEN..Jeremiah 29:11... I thank all friends, family,neighbors, and Sisters and Brothers in Christ.. All my love and prayers, Brittney Savannah Hope Mathis

"Same Purpose"

There are so many events that are going on in my life now...I feel like I am in the middle...and they are playing "tug of war"..Am I not more important than to be tossed back and forth like a "rag doll" ? I have feelings that need to be nurtured and cared for too! I can not have someone in my life that will not connect with me and try to understand and help build me up (in the Lord's name)-- instead of bringing me down..Playing pretend and putting on the armor of "Holier Than Thou" attitude..We all fall short of the Glory of God..Satan is good at "trying" to turn Christians against each other..He delights when he comes one step closer to bringing someone away or not focused on God...Most Christians..sometimes (I) included let this world bring us down..We constantly worry about the problems of the world..We let that steal our happiness..We become wrapped in what the world is doing that we neglect our time with God..As Christians, we should stand together and help each other..but instead we get mad or irritated with each other..We need to work on our communication skills..Aren't we all working for the same purpose and goal..to see others turn their life over to God and repent? I will do my part..I will be what God has called me to be..For the mean time..I will study and prepare myself..Lord,let your will be done!

"TEARS NO MORE"

Lord, these tears stream down my face..I call on your holy name..Why Lord do I feel this way deep down..it flows through my vains..? You know my heart God and now it is filled with heartache....It is written: be filled with joy and laughter and sing praises to your King (but I ask- how do I do this when the world "tries" to bring me down around me?.. You know all of my thoughts ( I not only long to know you more and walk hand in hand with you... I seek after you and your kingdom (for it is at hand)..I have made the decision to give my life over to you and let you do what you see fit with me..I know you are just testing me now (my dispensation)..And somehow -I feel like I am failing the test..I don't want to feel like I have to prove myself to anyone..but you (My Lord, My Savior)..I look around..others try to act like they know my motives..they don't have a clue..If only others could see what is buried deep within me..I ask Lord that you let my light shine even more..like it never has before..Lord, I lift my hands to you..I fall to my knees..I muffle my sobs in my hands..I ask why me Lord..What could I possible do for you or others?..All I can do is tell them of what you have done for me and how they can have the same(A Lord and Savior that asks us to call upon his name..and truly believe he died for our sins and rose on the third day)..He shed his BLOOD for you and me! I want to tell people to repent of their sins.. God is just to forgive and he sends peace and love for us to share and give)..Please Lord, Use me as an instrument to reach out to those in need...YOU are the ONLY ONE that SAVES..We can not do it on our own..I think we forget that..You use some of us to plant a seed or to come along and water and take care of it..But you are the one that gives the flower life..Ultimately, You are the sun that gives all of us your energy or we shrivel up and die (Maybe not physically..but spiritually we make a void and invite loneliness to come in and take hold)...You know that I have totally surrendered every last part of me up in your Holy Hands..I fully trust in you..I remember your words.. Jeremiah 29:11..So, I do not worry..I know that I am not perfect-- I can admit when I am in the wrong..This is what makes me flesh and blood..And I admit this to you and the world..Who is anyone to Judge, except you? We are all in the same boat..Some just choose to jump out and sink straight to the bottom..with all the worldly chains pulling them down under the water..they are forever drowning....It just hurts to know that I was not good enough...I know Lord you will continue to Bless us if we show and humble ourselves to you..In the meantime, I know you are preparing me for what you have in store for me to do for you Lord..I love you with all my mind, with all my heart, and with all my soul..I will not give up as long as I live .I will find my strength and rest in you..I will always serve you and listen to your Holy Spirit guiding me along my journey through life..I serve Only You my Master! For in the end, every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!

I sit here in class now..I recap the situation and "drama" that has been involved in my life now..Guess what, I am solely responsible too! We all make choices in life and I just made one that might look like my true colors..but God is the only one that knows our hearts inside out, and upside down,forwards, and backwards...I am sorry for the gray cloud that has been hiding my view on what life is all about..We make mistakes..We ask forgiveness..We pick up the pieces and we continue on our way..I am glad that I am one who learns from my mishaps..I know more now that I have been to college and out in the real world..I know that everything is not peaches and cream..Nor a bed of roses..I believe life is what you make it..So, I need to take back over control of my thoughts and emotions and quit making excuses that lead you nowhere..but simply to a dead end..No return! Wow! This feels good to get all of this off my chest... How could I be so carefree with other's emotions? I don't really know..but excuse my language but (shit happens)! I know it hurts..but what doesn't kill you..only makes you stronger..Truthfully, every event that has ever happened in our lives whether good or bad is the direct product of who we are today! I am happy with myself...How about you?

"What Is My Purpose?"

God What am I to do now? I am here now for a reason and purpose I know..but what? I need to know what is in store so I will be prepared..I ask myself what possible use could I be here...Am I not just another burden..another mouth to feed? Please God show me what I need to do or say so they won't feel replaced..You know my heart..the compassion I feel..it is not for selish reasons and my own self glory..but all done in the name of Christ..Guide us in what path we need to take..Help us to know (to see) what each of us need deep inside..Lord, we need to put down our own selfish needs and desires and be a "True" humble servant to you..Let us live a life pleasing in your eyes..so we can proudly say I am a child of the most high God..and he lives and dwells within me..Let everyone see the light that should shine through our souls..touch a life and lend a hand to those in desperate need..Let our old selves be dead to the world..Teach us your ways..so our feet may not slip..but if they do..then you'll always be here to pick us up and carry us through our journey in life..Instruct us what to say at any given moment when the time comes to witness for you..Let us not be too prideful..where we won't take heed to our brothers and sisters help and advice when we know we want and need it..God put us all here for a purpose and we are always to busy to hear or listen..But God always tries again and again..so what do you want me to do now God..This is all I ask?