THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SONG IN THE WORLD!! THANK GOD I WORK AT CASA FIESTA & LEARNING SPANISH!!

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"STRIKES OF LIFE"

I've often been told that you can look at someone and tell if their truly happy.
But that's wrong because you have to
look deeper than the surface,
and search their soul!
Only God you can not fool
because he knows our every move.
We may have our worldy pleasures-
our silver and our gold
we may pile up all the riches
that this world can hold
but we still not happy
because Jesus we have sold.
We have gave up all that he stands for
to have temporary happiness
to make our lives seem full.
But God searches and seeks us
Inside / Out
And yet we still put him second best /
even LAST!
I smile to make you think that
nothing is wrong with me.
But actually ,I'm drowning
in a sea of my own iniquites.
On the inside I scream and cry
out for someone to
hear, love, adore me,
But instead they all ignore me.
I try to turn it over to God,
But Satan makes it linger,
he just won't let me be!
I feel so locked and chained
and only he has the keys.
Lord, your all I need to help find myself
to keep you number one
even when I come undone
For the past, I can not change,
but my life I can rearrange.
Our lives are so complexed,
so confused,
so mixed and jumbled,
never making sense!
Without you GOD,
we are NOTHING.
And nothing we shall be
until we see that
YOU
are all in life
that we need!
You're all around,
the sway of the wind,
the sound of the music,
the voice from within.
So, I am down a path that has come to a dead end.
I stand here empty handed with my heart bent.
I ask myself what is my life all about?
I've lived through
STRIKE ONE,
STRIKE TWO,
STRIKE THREE!!!
Does this mean I'm out?
I look around for someone to blame.
The fingers point straight back to me!
Where did I go wrong?
Maybe I was in a place I didn't belong.
My parents were right when they said," I am too headstrong".
The choices I have made are coming back to haunt me.
They surround me leaving my days long and dreary.
GOD is the ONLY one that can judge me!!
I tangled myself in my own web of desire.
Is this what happens when you play with fire?
I am now feeling the aftermath of my mistakes.
A life full of sin only forsakes.
Now I wonder I am too far gone?
To this world I would become just another pawn.
Why can't I seem to find that inner peace?
A taming love within that comes from above that gives a never-ending supply of increase


I won 1st place in the talent show last week..I wrote this free verse poetry to tell some of my bottled up soul..I hope yall get the message..I hope you enjoyed..If you have any questions, message me.. I hope you have a BLESSED week!!
~BRITTNEY~
aka
~SABELLA~
aka
~ESPERANZA~
aka
~MIWA~

"WHAT IS LOVE?"

What is this feeling?
I just can't seem to shake it!
It is so familiar like I have known it before.
Is this what it feels like to love and be loved?
Have you ever felt torn between two worlds?
Loneliness, but comforted in his warm embrace!
A slinky of emotions bouncing up and down!
I can't make up my mind!
I have a million questions running through it!
Confusion combined with contentment!
I don't want just someone blinded by lust!
It is easy to say I love you!
The true question is does he know what it means?
Could he love you no matter what you did?
Could he forgive you for all of your mistakes?
Could he stand beside you in your persecutions?
Could he be a shoulder to cry on and be there in times of need?
Could he hold and spend quality hours with me and control himself not to act like a normal horny male?
Could he handle my personality which includes my flaws and intellect?
Could he accept me for who I am?
Could he love me for who I am not?
Could he awake everyday thanking God for just another day together?
Could he always be the backbone and hold the family bonded and united in Christ!?
Could he love you like Christ loved the church that he
Would lay down his life just to know that you are safe and sound?
If not, then the best in yet to come..
All the signs will point straight to him!
I want him to look at me ten years from now and still have that twinkle in his eyes!
I don't want someone that forces his love on me.
I want him to gain and earn my heart!
Love is not to be play around with like it is a game.
I have been the object of affection many times where guys played tug of war with me!
Of course, I got blamed like everything was my fault!
I am not a man object or toy that is to be disposed of.
I hurt,bleed, and have feelings just like ever human does!
I also have a heart that needs to be nurtured and taken care of too!
I want a Godly man just like me that centers his life around Christ,
and the best part is leading each other in the Lord's Name!

"FAKE OR TRUE FRIENDS?"

What does it mean to be a "true" friend?
I would glady trade 10 acquaintances that "say" they are friends
for if only "ONE" good friend that I can count on whenever I'm in need.
Someone that will be completely honest no matter what!
I person that is not going to lie, cheat, backstab, and connive.
Does this sound familiar?
This is the majority of the population.
They will do whatever if takes to make themselves feel accepted.
My only question is: Why?
If I person can not accept, love, and appreciate "YOU" for who you are,
then do they really deserve your friendship?
Friendships are intimate.
If they are "real", then it should stand the tests of time.
I want someone by my side and helping me win this battle
and in the end saying, "We fought a good fight"!
I "try" to be the best Christian that I know how to be.
It is so hard when others around you only bring you down in a hole
and then kick dirt over the top of it.
Who says anyone is better than who?
Remember, "WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE"?
We all have a purpose.
We might not know what,
but nonetheless, we all do!
And guess what, friends should be a part of that.
We all have souls that need to be nurtured.
How can we do this if we are always making ourselves seem surperior to those around us.
Who hears their cries?
Who hears their voices?
Stand Up..Be the Christian/Person you "PROCLAIM" to be!
I am searching for what is right in life.
I have made mistakes.
I admit to mine.
I am going through trials and errors.
I am like Joseph in Genesis Chapter 40.
There is always a Genesis Chapter 41.
I am forever searching and waiting.
"True" friends are hard to find.
If you find one,
hold on with all you have.
These only come around once in a lifetime!
I hope everyone has a Happy New Year!
Here is to my new life that is to start 2007!
A new person that will only try to prove herself to the one and only God.
My Lord and Savior Forever.Amen.

"I AM JUST ME, NOTHING MORE & NOTHING LESS"!

I am tired of everyone telling me who to be and who not to be.
I am just me.
I am nothing more and nothing less.
I am here for people when they need me the most.
I try to take on the worlds problems.
Like one of my once best friends said, "I am the psychiastrist that doesn't get paid.
I am always here when someone needs a shoulder to cry on.
The only problem is that when I am in need,
I look around and no one is really hear for me, except family and God.
Everyone else is busy with their own lives.
They are forever trying to find a medium of their own happiness.
Trying to make a name for themselves.
And for what?
For the world to only screw you over in the end?
I wonder if anyone can connect and know how I feel?
I sit here in the dark.
It is just me and this blank screen.
I ask myself what is my life all about?
I have nothing to show for anything, except more grief and strife.
I am down a path that has come to a dead end.
I stand here empty handed.
Where did I do wrong?
Could it possible be any worse than this?
Even my friends has given up on me.
When did I stop "truly" believing?
I'm stuck in the middle,
Half way between Heaven and Hell.
Well, for now it seems like Hell on earth.
I have lost my drive, my desire.
I tangled myself in my own web.
I tried to hard to prove myself.
I have failed.
I look around for someone to blame.
The finger points staight to me.
No one understands how I am.
If they did, they would try to lend a hand.
I want to succedd.
Why is it so hard?
God, reach down.
I need your touch.
I need your love,
your grace,
your mercy,
your guidance.
Why can't I seem to find peace.
The love within that tames all.
The choices I have made are coming back to haunt me.
They surround me day and night.
I am now feeling the reprecussions and after math of my mistakes.
How could I have let this happen?
Why did I make the wrong choices?
How do I begin to change them?
Am I to far gone?
I know I have what it takes.
God lives within me.
I just wish I had the strength to show it!

"My Mother & Father--Melissa & Jody"

Such powerful words.
"I can't live with them, and I can't live without them".
They have been here for me always holding me up.
Even when I would give up hope, yell, and give them hell.
They put up with my mess and helped guide me along.
This is when you know that you have a family that cares.
How could I have been so blind?
The Bible does say that friends and family-
will turn on each other at the end of time.
Lord, give us the strength to understand each other
and find a common ground.
All my life I never understood their ways,
but they had respectable intentions.
I would often find myself thinking,
What in Heaven's name were/are they thinking?
In the end, I always seen the results.
They were protecting us (their family) at all costs.
This is the kind of love that it takes to stand your ground,
even when others don't understand your ways and doubt.
"Through thick and thin, that's what it's about".
Thanks mom and dad for your support and love.
Family is a gift that should be cherished and not taken for granted.
We should make ever single breath count
because we are not promised tomorrow on this earth.
So, take your first born by the hand,
Tuck me under your wings,
and together we'll all ascend,
Farther, Above, and Beyond!

"CHRISTIAN,FOREVER STORED IN MY HEART"

The word Christian in itself has a powerful meaning: to be "Christ like".

It's proclaiming to be a follower of our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ.

We are forever praying and believing.

God seen fit to send me an angel in disguise

to help guide and keep me on the same path.

Someone to take my hand and "temporarily" lead.

Everytime her name rings in my head ("Christian"),

I directly think of special and I can't wait to see her again.

I could not ask for anything more.

She is deep, thoughtful, and spiritually hard core.

I turn to her when my spirit needs a lift.

She is Heavenly sent, a mere gift.

She makes this world more bearable (a better place),

so full of love and grace,

and not an ounce of haste.

Always proving to be kind,

Focused,

Keeping the prize on her mind!

She can be:

Accepting, Truthful, Humorous, and Even Blonde.

Loveable, Adorable, Intelligent, Friendly, and One Of A Kind.

Understanding, Gentle, Charming, Sensitive, and Confiding Too!

Charming, Loyal, Entending help when I'm weak and in need,

and also FORGIVING.

Now do you see?

I am Blessed.

So, I tell her this:

"You've been there when I needed You,

I'll "try" to always be here--- always for You"!

I Love You no matter what,

even your flaws are a part of you.

I completely appreciate who you are,

and no matter how far,

You're forever stored in my heart!

"The Second Lease On Life"

I replay the events of that day of my wreck on December 11, 2oo6.
I was on my way back from English final.
I was singing Christmas carols.
I set my speed control on 60 mph.
My truck started acting up.
The tires went over the white line.
I jerked to the left, then back to the right.
It was to late!
The truck was now air born.
I thought of each roll as if it were my last.
The first roll I felt the glass shatter.
The second roll I felt the side of my head hit the asphalt.
I was conscious and I knew what was going on around me.
I remember the small minuet details.
The crowd of people stopping and surrounding me.
The people picking my items off the road that had been slung out of the truck.
The woman that compacted my ear together as blood flowed down my face and neck.
I remember looking at my reflection in the rear view mirror.
The blood was tricking down my forehead.
The woman's voice calling my mother.
She says her arm is broken.
She can't breath.
My lungs were tightening up.
I thought my next breath could be my last.
Tell my mom I love her and my dad, my baby sister, and my brothers.
I thought please God let me live to see them again.
My parents said they drove 90 miles an hour with the hazards light all the way to Jacksonville Hospital.
No law enforcement dared pulled them over.
God clearing a safe passage for them to drive.
My dad said he would not have stopped either, until he made it there.
They were coming to see their first born baby laying in a bed with IV needles running through her arm.
The doctor coming in to stitch my ear back together.
My parents would have died on the inside if they had to bury me on my 20th birthday December 15.
A tragedy that would leave them void of the memory of me.
So, I thank the good Lord that I live.
I have another day with them.
In the Ambulance, I sang old Southern Gospel hymns to God.
The one I remember in particular: "Oh, How I Love Jesus!"
I now have a Second Lease On Life.
The one name that rings in my ear..Clint Dover
He slides through the gap on the passenger side.
He hooks an oxygen tank to my face.
He wraps the brace around my neck.
I look in his eyes and say..
"Do you believe in God?"
He says:
"Sweetheart,Can U Look Up?"
I saw the ceiling caved in around me.
I was lucky to be alive.
God had seen fit to spare my life.
I do not know why.
I may never know.
There is a reason.
There is a purpose.
Do I really deserve what I have in my life now?
The answer is no.
God doesn't owe us anything!
He just chooses to give us the gift of life!

"The One For Me"

I sit here contemplating.
There is nothing better to do.
I just read my friend Bryan Price's blog.
My mind now spiraling in and out of consciousness of past and present events.
It is forever wondering in a free domain.
It is lost and fragmented in a million pieces floating around space.
Each tiny particle has a story to tell of who I am.
If someone would just reach out and bring me under the shelter of their wings.
Someone hear my voice.
Please, tend unto my cry.
Show me what it is like to love.
Let me fully trust you.
Let me fall into you, knowing you will break my fall.
If I fall, pick me up.
If I am lost, find me.
If I am hurt, console me.
If I am happy, laugh with me.
If I am sad, cry with me.
If I am mad, yell with me.
If I want to walk a mile, walk two with me.
If I want to dream a little, be there beside me.
If I am sick, take care of me.
If I am lonely, hold me.
If I am doubtful, help me believe.
If I am dishonest, confront me.
If I make a mistake, point it out to me.
If I put up a fight, stand your ground.
If I am human, Just love,accept,and forgive me=like Jesus does.
If I give you all of me, give me all of you.
Is this to much to ask?
If it is, then your not the one for me...

"Last Brief Moments"

I lay here God in so much pain..this blood flowing down my neck..the crimson blood stains..I am lucky to be alive..I am here today and gone tomorrow..and it shows what I have been missing and took all in vain..I am sorry mom and dad for I totally missed the point of this life..it is not a game! I long for my family's love, their warm embraces, and concerned faces.. The Godly love that knows my name..my spirit embedded in their hearts forever..My Sister so preciously wrapping her arms around me saying "are you otay Bitney", her angelic voice that in my mind sang..My little brother looking at me with his warm chocolate eyes (a replica of my mothers) and lifting his hands to me..while he cried..One last laugh with my little brother while we reflected on past memories together like "old times".. My mother and father sitting there waiting for what the doctor would say, praying I would make it through okay.. Now I have them to depend for my every need, for now they will have to provide..I am sorry..I never meant for this to happen..My arm is broken and my ear has about 5 stitches, and my face now swollen beyond recognition..It's now beginning to seep in I know God is holding my hand. The doctors have given me so many medications.. But I still sit here writing and pouring my heart on paper.. My mind just won't seem to settle..This is my turning and breaking point to rid my life of all the ungodly and worldly ties holding me down and clouding my mind..I totaled the truck..I was running 60 miles an hour..I flipped several times(approximately) 410 feet..The first roll busted the glass out of the window..the second roll my head meet the road..I will never forget the flood of people surrounding me..The young lady on her way to her finals..compacting my ear together with flood running free and didn't know me personally..but only a sister in Christ..She even called my parents and I don't even know her name..Her sweet voice and face embedded in my mind..All of the others outreaching to someone in need..The man who's eyes pierced my soul..I asked do you believe in God and he said "Sweetheart, Can You Look Up?" All I could see was the ceiling caved in around me..God has a purpose for my life..I will if given a second opportunity..will "try" to practice what I preach.. I will ever be thankful for everyone, the Lord's guiding angels..I will lift my voice and life to you God..It is in your hands..Let your will be done..And let my purpose be known..My Lord and My Savior forever..AMEN..Jeremiah 29:11... I thank all friends, family,neighbors, and Sisters and Brothers in Christ.. All my love and prayers, Brittney Savannah Hope Mathis

"Same Purpose"

There are so many events that are going on in my life now...I feel like I am in the middle...and they are playing "tug of war"..Am I not more important than to be tossed back and forth like a "rag doll" ? I have feelings that need to be nurtured and cared for too! I can not have someone in my life that will not connect with me and try to understand and help build me up (in the Lord's name)-- instead of bringing me down..Playing pretend and putting on the armor of "Holier Than Thou" attitude..We all fall short of the Glory of God..Satan is good at "trying" to turn Christians against each other..He delights when he comes one step closer to bringing someone away or not focused on God...Most Christians..sometimes (I) included let this world bring us down..We constantly worry about the problems of the world..We let that steal our happiness..We become wrapped in what the world is doing that we neglect our time with God..As Christians, we should stand together and help each other..but instead we get mad or irritated with each other..We need to work on our communication skills..Aren't we all working for the same purpose and goal..to see others turn their life over to God and repent? I will do my part..I will be what God has called me to be..For the mean time..I will study and prepare myself..Lord,let your will be done!

"TEARS NO MORE"

Lord, these tears stream down my face..I call on your holy name..Why Lord do I feel this way deep down..it flows through my vains..? You know my heart God and now it is filled with heartache....It is written: be filled with joy and laughter and sing praises to your King (but I ask- how do I do this when the world "tries" to bring me down around me?.. You know all of my thoughts ( I not only long to know you more and walk hand in hand with you... I seek after you and your kingdom (for it is at hand)..I have made the decision to give my life over to you and let you do what you see fit with me..I know you are just testing me now (my dispensation)..And somehow -I feel like I am failing the test..I don't want to feel like I have to prove myself to anyone..but you (My Lord, My Savior)..I look around..others try to act like they know my motives..they don't have a clue..If only others could see what is buried deep within me..I ask Lord that you let my light shine even more..like it never has before..Lord, I lift my hands to you..I fall to my knees..I muffle my sobs in my hands..I ask why me Lord..What could I possible do for you or others?..All I can do is tell them of what you have done for me and how they can have the same(A Lord and Savior that asks us to call upon his name..and truly believe he died for our sins and rose on the third day)..He shed his BLOOD for you and me! I want to tell people to repent of their sins.. God is just to forgive and he sends peace and love for us to share and give)..Please Lord, Use me as an instrument to reach out to those in need...YOU are the ONLY ONE that SAVES..We can not do it on our own..I think we forget that..You use some of us to plant a seed or to come along and water and take care of it..But you are the one that gives the flower life..Ultimately, You are the sun that gives all of us your energy or we shrivel up and die (Maybe not physically..but spiritually we make a void and invite loneliness to come in and take hold)...You know that I have totally surrendered every last part of me up in your Holy Hands..I fully trust in you..I remember your words.. Jeremiah 29:11..So, I do not worry..I know that I am not perfect-- I can admit when I am in the wrong..This is what makes me flesh and blood..And I admit this to you and the world..Who is anyone to Judge, except you? We are all in the same boat..Some just choose to jump out and sink straight to the bottom..with all the worldly chains pulling them down under the water..they are forever drowning....It just hurts to know that I was not good enough...I know Lord you will continue to Bless us if we show and humble ourselves to you..In the meantime, I know you are preparing me for what you have in store for me to do for you Lord..I love you with all my mind, with all my heart, and with all my soul..I will not give up as long as I live .I will find my strength and rest in you..I will always serve you and listen to your Holy Spirit guiding me along my journey through life..I serve Only You my Master! For in the end, every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!

I sit here in class now..I recap the situation and "drama" that has been involved in my life now..Guess what, I am solely responsible too! We all make choices in life and I just made one that might look like my true colors..but God is the only one that knows our hearts inside out, and upside down,forwards, and backwards...I am sorry for the gray cloud that has been hiding my view on what life is all about..We make mistakes..We ask forgiveness..We pick up the pieces and we continue on our way..I am glad that I am one who learns from my mishaps..I know more now that I have been to college and out in the real world..I know that everything is not peaches and cream..Nor a bed of roses..I believe life is what you make it..So, I need to take back over control of my thoughts and emotions and quit making excuses that lead you nowhere..but simply to a dead end..No return! Wow! This feels good to get all of this off my chest... How could I be so carefree with other's emotions? I don't really know..but excuse my language but (shit happens)! I know it hurts..but what doesn't kill you..only makes you stronger..Truthfully, every event that has ever happened in our lives whether good or bad is the direct product of who we are today! I am happy with myself...How about you?

"What Is My Purpose?"

God What am I to do now? I am here now for a reason and purpose I know..but what? I need to know what is in store so I will be prepared..I ask myself what possible use could I be here...Am I not just another burden..another mouth to feed? Please God show me what I need to do or say so they won't feel replaced..You know my heart..the compassion I feel..it is not for selish reasons and my own self glory..but all done in the name of Christ..Guide us in what path we need to take..Help us to know (to see) what each of us need deep inside..Lord, we need to put down our own selfish needs and desires and be a "True" humble servant to you..Let us live a life pleasing in your eyes..so we can proudly say I am a child of the most high God..and he lives and dwells within me..Let everyone see the light that should shine through our souls..touch a life and lend a hand to those in desperate need..Let our old selves be dead to the world..Teach us your ways..so our feet may not slip..but if they do..then you'll always be here to pick us up and carry us through our journey in life..Instruct us what to say at any given moment when the time comes to witness for you..Let us not be too prideful..where we won't take heed to our brothers and sisters help and advice when we know we want and need it..God put us all here for a purpose and we are always to busy to hear or listen..But God always tries again and again..so what do you want me to do now God..This is all I ask?

"Roller Coaster Of Emotions"

What a week this has been..A roller coaster of emotions running through me..Some good, some bad, some in between..My thoughts haunt me day and night..I can't seem to get away from them...No matter where or who I turn to..The situations and circumstances of my life only grow bigger... I ask myself why do I let these "little petty" things bother me..I hide them on the inside and I don't let anyone see..I feed them to the flame that consumes all!
(My God,My Lord,My Savior)..He listens and wants us to love him with all our minds,with all our hearts,and with all our souls...I sit in a crowded room full of laughter and "fake" smiles..It is just a temporary hiding ground from the battle that is taking place within...A quick summary woud help.... I am (in general) confused..I don' t know where I am surpose to go in my life..I stand here... And I have two paths to take to choice from..I don't really have a clue as of which I should take..I know what I want..but I don't know if that is for the best..I guess only time will show and tell. If there is one thing that I don't like in my life..it is "Drama"..I don't like the feeling of people playing people against each other! And the worst part is "LIEING"!!! I consider myself an honest person..I don't like when people lie to me..So, out of the same respect... I will not lie to them..Even if the truth hurts, and it changes your friendship..It has to be said and done..I could not live with myself (everyday) knowing that I have to hide my feelings.. and keep them locked and buried deep within my heart and soul..I will express out in the open my views and beliefs...We all.. each as individuals influence others that bounce in and out of our busy, complicated lives... I ask God to give me the strength to be bold and humble enough to accomplish this task that is at hand..I know he is the solid foundation....I need to build upon that..There I will strongly stand!

"What I Do Have That I Should Be Thankful For"

Well, where should I start...Does it really have a beginning and end? I guess right where I am now will have to do... I sit here in class..I am thankful for a free education..but how do I show it? I sit here and type on a laptop..What does that say about the character of me? I guess if you are reading this..you would think what a lazy, crazy girl..Well, who are you to judge? My life now is like a whirlwind...kind of like a slinky...you stretch and stretch until you can't pull any more..Then you let it go and it goes back and forth..that is like my life now (highs and lows)...but yet I am still thankful for all I do have..I have so many qualities that out weigh the bad..I am humble, compassionate, trustworthy, loyal, and "most important".. I strive to please our Lord and Savior (Jesus Christ)..He knows that I am not perfect(because to be perfect means to be complete)and we can not be complete until we are covered by the blood Christ!..I have my flaws that I must deal with on a daily basis. We would not be human if that was not the case..I am thankful for my family that gives me strength..I have to think about my brothers and sister..So, I can set a foundation for our future success! I am thankful that I have a roof over my head and food in my belly..There are some who don't have anything but what people give them..I am glad that I have an intelligent mind to think clearly and rationally so I will not end up like that...Homeless...I am thankful that I have a Christian home, where I can go home to everyday and wrap my arms around them and tell them how much I love them and need them in my life (which I am also thankful for)..So, I want to say thank-you for everything yall do for me! But most importantly, I thank God for what he has blessed me with..{ (YES)..Somtimes...I take it all for granted..Ask yourself this question...
DON'T WE ALL ?
So, I know what I am thankful for and I have told you...
So a question to ask yourself... (dig really deep and set aside time). You will be amazed at what you will find....So, now are you ready..?On your mark...Get set...Here it is...Go!

What Am I Thankful For?

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

"Disappointment"

What does it mean when friends disappoint you and let you down? Nothing...It just simply means they let you down..they can't take back what is already said and done..You can say your sorry until your blue in the face..but that doesn't change the fact that they made a mistake...There are better ways to get a point across than to tell it point blank to their face..I guess that is respectable..but it hurts none the less...Friends should think before they speak and plan what they will say..Do you know what it feels like for them to betray your trust..Issues that should only be between you two is displayed for the world to see. They say it was just to get another opinion..but that is bull crap..because it has to be said and dealt with either way..it is just other people all up in your business and in your face..That makes me irritated to the core..To know I can't trust them to keep our conversations and actions under safe lock and key..Why do people feel they have to let everyone know? I can't answer that because I have always been one on one..I guess a difference of opinion would help..but then I would feel like I am the one to blame..A simple apology doesn't do any justice because what was said is true and I will stick by it and hold my ground..So I can be tried faithful and true..I know this is the way it has to be..That is the only way to get over the mess I am in...It just hurts knowing your half to blame..But hey..what can you do? It is all said and done..Now, all we have are the pieces to pick up and try to glue together again..A new beginning of friendship that won't be as close, but that is better in the long run..Simply looking to the future..Now, in the present...Granted...it will hurt...When they say life is not easy..Now I know by experience... It is simply a looking glass...You see what you can't and will never have and I know it hurts....but what can you do? I guess I will stand here peering through...with my heart screaming love me as I do you...So, until someone shatters the glass...I will be here silent and waiting for that moment to pass.....

Hopeless

Wow is all I can say...I will give myself ten minutes to see if I can write what I feel now... So, lets see..here we go..on your mark get set....GO!We all having feelings of hopelessness..granted..even sometimes despair..But where does it stem from?..Maybe on some remote fear of loneliness..that we'll never have anyone to love and care for us..that will call us their own..A companion that would weather life's storms and still stand strong..And the best part..TOGETHER! I guess "the majority" are afraid of failure or rejection..those are the most common reasons given..But my personal belief is "Nothing Ventured Is Nothing Gained"! This holds true 90% of the time..If you never try then how will you know?? I love meeting new people..but there are boundaries that need to be set..I just worry of hurting people so much because I know how it feels..and it is not a pretty sight! People get hurt..that is a part of life..But to know that you hurt them (even if it is not on purpose)..How do you pick up and forgive yourself? Not anybody in their right mind wants to be second best..unless to God..that is a different story..We all want to feel appreciated and loved and just to know that someone wants to help carry the load of some of your burdens that you bury deep down inside..I am just being honest and real..I don't think this is wrong to feel this way..and you have your own opinion and I will not bash you for what you have to say..because that is your own free will and that is not in my character to do..For all who "truly" know me..If I make a PROMISE..I mean to keep it..that is the way I am..I don't put up a front..that is just me..and just another quality that I possess! I don't think I have to perform to act my best..I am naturally happy go lucky...and if you haven't noticed..Very RANDOM!.. But hey..I can live with that..can u?..I believe it keeps for interestin conversation..and that is one step closer in digging into a person's spiritual soul..that should live inside of each of us..But it is a matter of fact..We all are guilty at some point or another..of putting on a masquarde mask..If you think about it longer..That is only really lieing..to the world..but most importantly to yourself.. Just another mask of deception..All of this to cover our inner beings..Afraid to let go of the past..Afraid that it might repeat itself..Only causing only more heartache...That will not mend... All we can do is make a choice..Will I dwell in the past and constantly let that rule my life and dictact who I am today?..Or Simply choice to leave it at the foot of the cross and give him our pain...Only then will we be ready to move on..Face another day! Just waiting and praying on what God "FAITHFULLY" will bring!This is just some of my everyday thoughts..just floating around in mid air..waiting for someone that will give an ear and open mind and attend unto my cry..That longing of close, true, intimate friendship that will stand the tests of time..Only then will you know that is what God handed you... It is just meant to be!

Forgive/Forget Your Choice

You ask me what your purpose in life is?...How do I know..I can tell you what I think..but that would only be my opinion...So, you re-word your question and ask me well how do I find my purpose?..I simply tell you to look to God and read his holy word...
Only there will you find complete and utter happiness and feel like you don't have a care or worry..I often ask myself why do we care what others think of us..who are we trying to impress? We sometimes hide our true identies so others will accept us in their group of friends...But why do we care..is it because we want to feel accepted? Well, if that is the case, Jesus accepts us just as we are...why not try to impress him for a change...Give him that extra time everyday that we spend on the computer or watching tv or simply spending time with friends...Yes, our friends..the ones that say they will be here for you through thick and thin and sometimes they turn their back on you and call you names...So, a quick question to ask yourself why are they your friends? Do we really forgive and forget..or possibly we forgive..but it never goes away because we don't forget..So, what is the difference..I don't know..you tell me..? Can we really truly do both..does anyone really forget the way another person makes them feel? We can put it off in the back of our minds...but yet it still lingers..and sometimes when we sit down and reflect ..it comes floating back to the surface..Sometimes we let others influence the way we act and we let our boundaries down and let people in to see the real person that lives inside of you and me...This is when we are the most vulnerable...We wear our hearts on our sleeve..No wonder I don't blame the ones that are so bitter and try to shut everyone out... They feel like they can't trust anyone anymore...this is ashame...I know that the majority of the population are only out for themselves..they have lost that true human compassion...the helping outreached hand to fellow neighbors, friends, and family...So, I simply ask in despiration... When will we completely empty our hearts and all our burdens and give over to God and lay it at the foot of his cross? Only there will we find that we are completely free from all misery and he will reach down and pick us up and put us back on two feet and makes us truly complete!

"Pick Up Your Cross"

Thank-You so much..I am going through a tough time..but I keep it to myself..I love yall and I am sorry for everything..I am going home this weekend and coming to church (Lord-Willing) on Sunday..I need my home church family in Christ..I know yall have been on my side along and praying for me..or none of these events in my life would not be..there are so many..I can't begin to explain..I owe everything my life to God..The other night at our celebration worship service that we hold every Tuesday night..A missionary man came from the Phillipins..He told us not to pack our backpacks just for the fun of the trip..because that wears off when you have to make it rough..He said pick up your crosss and follow God daily..that is your whole purpose in life..

"TRUE FORGIVENESS CAN ONLY BE FOUND IN GOD"

Idle smiles what do they mean? I smile to make you think that nothing is wrong with me...If we are the "true" believing Christians we proclaim to be, then why do we as friends slander and smash each other around? What would our Lord and Savior have to say?(The ONE that died on that cross for YOU & ME)! Do you think he would be proud of our behaviors? We let the little comments get to us and eat us up inside..but why? We know deep down in our hearts that we all fall short of the glory of God and we all have our own flaws that only God knows..I guess it just hurts to know that instead of helping and encouraging each other everyday to strive to reach the mountain peak and serve our God together as brothers and sisters in Christ, we look around us to see if we can impress those worldly people that we surround ourselves with..We are not of the world..just in it..We all have a purpose..yet we do not seek it out..Instead, we laugh and point fingers to hide some of our insecurities that we bury deep down in the deepths of our minds..We play head games and let satan take control of our lives (he is the father of ALL LIES)!..satan has only as much control as we let him have over us..and it we don't stick together and help and be a living testimony to each other...then how do we survive? The head games that you and I play are getting to me and I can't go another day with all these emotions bottled up inside..Do we have nothing better to do than to sit and laugh at other people's expense and cause them more suffering than is necessary just because we don't have a clue who they really are and don't want to get to know the person as they really are..It is easier to make them appear and seem how you picture them to bein..Why don't we take the time to actually sit and quit acting so high and mighty!..Every one of us has problems and issues that need to be dealt with..but we act like we are higher than life! So, I simply ask you.. Are you to proud in spirit to admit your wrongdoings followed by a simple apology and let everything be and rest in the hands of God..what happened to our faith? We try to pick a speck out of our brothers eye, but yet we have a plank..does this ring a bell..So, my closing thought..I come with a humble heart and ask forgiveness for my sins..I put lay them down at the foot of the cross..satan no longer has his free will over me..God will lift us up and forgive us..if we only turn it completely over to him! This is all being brutally honest..and you and I both know it..I just accept and admit it..the question is..do you?

"A Best Friend For Life!"

We all have our up and downs...just a part of life that we all have to withstand
Man, it feels so good knowing everything is going to work out everything is in God's hands...I sit here riding in my best friend Christian's corvette.We are headed toward her house for the weekend..I can barely wait..girl time...alone..what fun! I can barely hear myself think over the loudness (roar of the motor) of my dream car!..I am so glad God that you have blessed me with a best friend for life! I am so glad I will have her to run too when the going gets tough... We meet in college at BCM (Baptist Campus Ministries) is what I can hear us saying in twenty years when we have our Godly families..I pray Lord now more than I ever have..Help us understand where we both come from (two worlds apart..but yet so close)..Teach,guide,and instruct us not to judge and bring each other down..Let our Yes be Yes and our No be No...Keep our minds and hearts guarded..where we won't have any thoughts of evil..For true friendship starts inside..taking that first step is hard..but I am willing to try..let my shield down and express what I truely feel inside..for I am just as lonely..but I know that I need someone to depend on that will not lead me into the darkness or lead me astray..A friend that is willing to guide me in the Lord's name! So, thank Lord for that friend that I have been waiting for..For I know that it is your will and there is nothing that compares to it in this world!

"Pressing On"

Yep...I am still up..it is 3:00 AM, I am still studying..I thought I would take a break..I have 2 major tests this morning (one in Intro to music at 9:15 and one in Western Civilization at 11:00).. I am stressing and worrying to much now...The words on this page are becoming blended and the walls seem to be closing in around me..The ceiling fan going round and round is not helping the situation any better..Nor this tiredness that I must over come! I wish I knew how other college kids survive..I am getting the "Fresh Man Blues" and I need some help to get organized and get my priorities straight before I come unglued. I have waited and longed for this opportunity to be the first to go to college on either side of my family for so long..But now I am here it is like I almost fear..I now know what it is like to want to grow wings and just take flight..That would be awesome to just not have a care in the world...Just to be free from all the misery that we store within and hold..So, I am making my first step now to be bold! I know I can do it..I am like the little engine that could..I have to start at the bottom and then work my way up.. and all will be good.I have to constantly remind myself (Yes, I know I am great) but everybody has two things in common..Their beginning and demise.. We all have to start somewhere..So, why not right where I stand? As long as I stay focused and pressing on toward the prize..then in the end I shall obtain and have my reward in full size..For all of you that truely know me, When I say I am going to do something, I mean and follow through with what I say..As long as it doesn't compromise my faith..I put my mind to a task and I stop at nothing until it is accomplished..I will talk and express so more later..Have a great day! God Bless, Brittney

Life

Wow! That pretty much explains me now for so many reasons...I just can't put in words what I feel... But I guess I can try...Have you ever felt like you wanted to freeze time? So, take a moment now and stop what you are doing... Use this time to reflect. Go back to a time when you were at your happiest -where you didn't have a care in the world...Think about it- You were actually free! Now, compare it to what you have now..NO TIME! We now know that the grass is not greener on the other side, it just looked that way! So, quick question to ask yourself..Would you trade what you have now for what you had in the past? I know I would...Life was so much simplier..So innocent...Just learning and not worrying all the time! Sometimes I feel like I am the only one like me..NoOne understands where I come from...good thing...because I feel like right now in my life I am just an object of affection where I am sitting in a crowded room being displayed and all of these people are running after me,staring,pointing fingers(trying to find an easy exit when the going gets tough) and most importantly judging me...But Why? I am just like them on the inside..We all need companionship to help build,motivate, and encourage us to make our stand for God! Nowadays, everyone is caught up in all the worldy pleasures and trying to please the world(and themselves..selfish desires of the flesh) and they care what others think too much..When will we learn just to be ourselves? I always find that when I am myself... Others just bring me down because I don't live up to "their standards" of what a person should be..Well, I will continue to be me(nothing more and nothing less)! This is what I have to offer(The many undiscovered layers of God's transident riches that he has blessed my soul with)! I know God will show me the path to take,so I can live and praise his holy name...Because honestly only he knows what I truely feel..He looks inside of me..And I pray that he will clear my mind and make it as clear and separate as night and day..So my Yes can be Yes and my No can be No! Thanks for reading... I had so much bottled up inside and more..but I have 2 tests to study for and this is getting long...God Bless,A Friend In Christ, Brittney Savannah Hope Mathis

I'm Gangsta! 

"Confusion"

Have you ever felt ashamed, alone, neglected, deprived, upset, worried, sad, or maybe even estatic, hyper, happy, joyful, thrilled, excited, confused, or just simply tired?
Do any of these ring a bell?
All of these emotions crammed into a tiny being
all at the same moment of time...
We decide our feelings based on the circumstances
that bounce in and out of our busy lives...
We thrive on making decisions
that would better our lives...
Yet we neglect the journey that we're taking...
I guess confused would describe me the most
For in this very moment in time
As Ironically I write this blog...
I know who I am,
I know what I want,
I trust in God to guide me on my way,
I try to seek, reach out, and obtain
but yet others don't see me
for Truely me....
I have so many layers...
But some just won't give me a time of day
So, can you see why I am so confused??
My one question is
When will they take the time to see
who I am ?
Beginning inside/out...
So, then I just won't be another
beautiful girl that comes their way!
This is what I feel at the moment,
But I try to remember Psalms 118:24
This is the day the Lord has made
Let us be glad and rejoice in it!

Bitter/Sweet

This is so awesome if I could just figure out how to work this webpage.....aaaaeeeee... So, I am currently fustrated because my head hurts, my throat feels sore, and my left ear is pounding....I just want to go to sleep but can't because I have class in about 2 hours...I have to study...the duties of college! Well, I hope everything goes great today and as soon as I see all my friends I know they will brighten my day without even knowing it..... God Bless,
Read James 5:1-20 if your waiting and need patience.....
Brittney

God's Will Be Done

I don't know what to put really, I have never done anything like this... I always had my nose stuck in a book instead of on computers... SO, I hope your week goes great for all who reads this...May God send peace and understanding in your lives and may he open your eyes to the things that you have blinded yourself with for so long....Let him be the lamp unto your path..and bring you out out of the darkness...Lord-Willing I will talk to ya tomorrow....
A Friend In Christ,
Brittney Savannah Hope Mathis